Feature Story - December 15th

[Ramu Mutt]

This fortnight we're doing a special on how people are using networks like Club JAM to spice up their lives. How do you use yours? Tell us if you've got a job, met a special someone or just started an online group that is making waves. We want to hear your story! Click here.

[vish]

clubjam.ning.com/group/eminem

[vish]

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.

A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I
also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and
rested.

All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the
rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
very, very high up.

_______________________________________________________________________

Lesson Number Two
*****************
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to
be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I
haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my
droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with
nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that
it actually gave him enough strength to reach the
first branch of the
tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached
the second
branch.

Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly
perched at the top of
the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer,
who shot the
turkey out of the tree.

Management Lesson:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep
you there.

________________________________________________________________________

Lesson Number Three
*******************
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to
be Boss.

The Brain said, "I should be Boss because I control
the whole body's responses and functions."

The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the
brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, "We should be Boss because we do all
the work and earn all the money."

And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and
the eyes until
finally the asshole spoke up.

All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being
the Boss. So
the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and
refused to work.

Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands
clenched, the Feet twitched, the heart and lungs began
to panic and the brain
fevered.

Eventually they all decided that asshole should be the
Boss, so the
motion was passed.

All the other parts did all the work while the Boss
just sat and
passed out the shit!

Management Lesson:
You don't need brains to be a Boss - any asshole will
do.

_________________________________________________________________________

Lesson Number Four
******************

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was
so cold, the
bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field.

While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped
some dung on it. As the f rozen bird lay there in the
pile of cow
dung, it began to realize how warm it was.

The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there
all warm and
happy and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to
investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under
the pile of
cow dung and promptly dug him out and ate him!

Management Lessons:
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth
shut!

[Illusionist]

No, no luck so far regarding specials in networking sites.

[devil1284]

MUFCM – the Story Thus Far

The name Manchester United stirs up varying feelings ranging from awe to love and stretches to downright hatred, but seldom fails to evoke any feelings at all. To the millions of Utd fans or Red Devils as they are fondly called the name represents many things. Weekends cannot come fast enough for the Red Devils, so that they can catch their beloved team usually winning and more importantly winning in style. European nights are a wee bit special, with memories of Turin, Camp Nou, Old Trafford and various other stadiums still fresh in the memories like it was yesterday.

Football has always played the bridesmaid in India. Cricket is the undoubted numero uno sport in this country, where Sachin’s name is revered and Ronaldo’s would be greeted with a quizzical look. But things are changing, largely owing to ESPN Star Sports which brings us comprehensive coverage of the Barclay’s Premier League. Football is fast catching up in the non footballing parts of the country which would be the whole of India barring Goa and Kolkata, where football is a way of life.

Orkut has aided and abetted in the growth of football with numerous communities springing up in support of various clubs. It was on Orkut that MUFCM {Manchester United Fan Club – Mumbai) was born. It was started by die hard Utd fans Sumit Goenka and his fellow Mancunians with the sole intention of supporting the club they love outside of the virtual world and actually get together and watch Utd in action together. For those of us who are not lucky enough to visit Old Trafford, the Mecca for all Red Devils, watching them in action with fellow supporters is the second best thing. The description on the Orkut community is very apt. Here is a little excerpt from the MUFCM community page itself.
“Introducing MUFCM, The Manchester United Fan Club of Mumbai!! This is NOT just another community on Orkut.. This is a stepping stone to forming a REAL LIFE Manchester United supporters association in our own city.”
“and maybe one day we'll see Manchester United on a pre-season tour in Mumbai!!”
“dare to dream? dare to act? here is our opportunity!!”
“GLORY GLORY MAN UNITED !!!”

We started off small and faced many hurdles, being the first of such fan clubs to emerge in Mumbai, which is notoriously pro cricket, owing in no small amount to the fact that this is the birth place of demigod Sachin (the writer himself is a huge Sachin fan). Our first few screenings took place at a hotel in far away Chembur and didn’t get the kind of participation we had hoped for. So we decided to screen the big games only, the likes of Arsenal, Chelski and Pool. We book a banquet hall (usually Hotel Avon Ruby, Dadar), where the game is shown on a projector screen and starters are on for the duration of the game.

The atmosphere is amazing, owing to the fact that we also let non-Utd supporters attend the screenings, which is largely appreciated by the large pro-Utd support too. The best moment undoubtedly has come during the screening of the Liverpool game (3rd March 07) during the second half of last season. Utd were leading the race to be the Champions of England with Chelski in hot pursuit. On that day Liverpool was the better team at Anfeild and Utd hung on till the last minute of time added on, when John O’Shea scored that GOAL!!!!!! that sent thousands at Anfeild and the Red Devils present at the screening into nirvana. To describe that moment in words is difficult but I remember my throat was hoarse for a few days as I am sure was the throat of millions more around the globe.

In terms of participation the FA cup final (19th May 07) was the biggest success. In my eyes though the biggest success of MUFCM has been to get Red Devils around Mumbai, rest assured there are plenty of us, to come together to share a common passion for football in general and Manchester United in particular. A year back I didn’t know anybody from the MUFCM community and today I am writing am article for Club JAM about this very community. The long term goal of MUFCM is to gain official recognition and to one day watch Utd play a pre-season friendly in Mumbai. In the short term we want to increase the participation for the screenings and the various footy events we organize.

Glory Glory Man Utd!!!

Saumil Sethna,
Moderator – MUFCM

[sHoAiB]

Anti-social Networking?

Prolonged joblessness can have interesting ramifications.Having a great deal of uncategorized time at your disposal gives you considerable leeway to indulge yourself in inexplicably unfruitful activities.Whether it be ogling nature's oh-so wonderful manifestations or googling your name in different avatars in search of relevant matches.

Social networking is techno-savvy Gen-Y's answer to mind-numbing monotony.A finite amount of URL hopping and you'll realise how these online hangouts have become a way of life,an indispensable necessity of 3rd millennium existence and even more importantly a "giant step" towards liberating bored souls from their long-suffered drudgery.There's no arguing these websites are fun,for active and passive users both.

In addition to giving a much needed lease of life to countless loners, these sites have given a whole new meaning to flirting /eve-teasing.Gone are the days when flirting used to be the luxury of patrician city dwellers: handsome manifestations of masculinity with sufficient monetary competence to hoodwink pretty faces into falling for their charm.The likes of orkut.com have given desperados new hope.A computer,basic (and I mean basic) English,internet connectivity and you are raring to go.Ready to dive headlong into a pool of endless possibilities. Evidences of unrestrained flirting or at least attempts at casual flirting are splattered across scrapbooks of profiles almost all members of the fairer sex.A quick glance through one of them and hideous excuses for pick-up lines will stare you in the face.From coy "Wil u mak fransip wid me?" and "U r vry preti girl" 's to blatant "U r very saxy lady" and "I wana sleep wid u" 's ,crappy scraps haven't spared any profile listed under the "female" tag.Eve-teasing now has an all-new online avatar.

All said,it's not that cyber eve-teasing has much of a potential to cause any real harm.Most "criminals" are probably reticent creatures who might have never even conversed with an animate version of the female species in real life.For them,their online avatars are a realisation of their most beautiful day dream and networking sites the fantasy land where nothing is impossible.With Shahrukh Khan or Tom Cruise as their "profile pic" ,"cool and smart" as the magic words in their descriptions and innumerable "friend requests" and countless "scraps" in their arsenal,they have set out on a journey ,a search for their "dream girl wid prity face nd beutiful eyes" who can elude them no more.

[Ankita Anand]

@vish

this was fun!

[vish]

Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA.
A few days later he got this reply:



Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence.
No phone call shall be entertained.

Thanks
Bill Gates.



Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply.
He arranged a press conference : "Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai."
Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued... ... "Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa ? par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga.





Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ----- Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet -----aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ----- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance ----- ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call ----- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained ----- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks ----- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.
Bill Gates. ---- Tohar Bilva.

[GaramBhejaFry]

AUNTY MAT KAHO NAA!!! (The types of inidan aunties...)

Aunty. Whenever we hear this word a mental sketch comes out of the bheje ka printer, forming an image that resembles a particular aunty which you loved, hated or respected(?) when you were a chhotu kid. But for me this word reminds me of none other than the gruesome and huge, the sabjiwaala's nightmare herself - 'Pados ki Chopra aunty'. She looked huge in her salwar kurta. When i stood near her , from a distance it looked like a japanese tourist standing beside the Statue of liberty.

I was a "Bhery naaaty buoy" according to Chopra aunty, who used to say this while grabbing my cheeks with her pincers (oops were they hands??) and nearly lifting me off the ground. With a swollen red cheek I would mutter under my breath the very few expletives (like "kutti" , "kamini"..oye reader don't raise your eyebrows. tu bhi bolta tha jhooth mat bol !! :p) I saved for such occasions. I very well know the fact that all the Aunties in this ' world of uncles' are not as sweet as Chopdee. ( We li'l scoundrels could think of just this nick!!)

So here i am trying to once again 'Munaf patel ke gaalo se bhi jyaada rough-ly classify the types of aunties in akkhaa-India :-

1) Middal class ki desi aunty :-

On a lazy winter morning when the sun is out and you hear the colony ka sabjiwaala hawker passing by announcing :-

"Aaloooo pyaaz bhindi tamaatar le lo-ooooooo...."

You hear a shrill voice from a balcony... "O sabjiwaale bhaiyaaaaaa ..... pyaaz kaise diye...". says a petite lady with her hair done in a bun over her head and a jhaadoo in her one hand. She's still wearing the nighty (night gown) and that's what is the trademark of this category of aunties. She's the bargain queen of the land. Here's the foreplay of the great game.

"Didi le jaao bohni ka tame(time) hai....20 rupay ke 2 kilo.." the hawker fed up with the daily-bargain-trauma tries to surrender early. The Aunty is no mood to let go of him this easy.

"Ruk aati hu neeche" She tucks the few loose strands of hair that have spilled on to her face, behind her ears with the same hand that carries the jhaadoo. Auntyji descends down the stairs wearing the same gown.

"haa bhaiya..kitna bhaav bataya... !!!" says she in an almost threatening tone.

"Bhenji!! 12 rupay kilo ka bhaav hai...aap 20 me 2 kilo le jaao..bolo tol doo 2 kilo??" he's ever so eager to close the deal.


"LOOT RAHA HAI KYA TU....pyaaz bech raha hai ya gehne??...aise sadey galey pyaaz mai 12 rs me khareedu tere se??..ye neembu ke size ke pyaaz humey tikaa raha hai tu... meri kaamwaali baai bhi naa khareede ye to !!!!" She shifts to top gear and has nearly run over the poor sabji waala.

"Didi...mandi me jaake pooch lo isse kam bhaav kahee nahee......" he comes down to his last resort.

"Oye Mandi se parso hi munnu ke papa 8 rupay ke bhaav pyaaz laaye hai...mujhe mat sikha mandi-wandi !!..8 rupay me dena hai to de warna waise bhi mujhe bahut kaam hai" Killer blow. In the meantime one more nighty-clad aunty arrives to the scene.

"Dekh naa manju loot raha hai ye bhaiya...10 RUPAYY bata raha hai bhaav pyaaz kaa" she tries to gather her army by coaxing one more of her kind in to the pricing war.

"Itte kam me to nahee de sakta mai...mandi se hi le lena pyaaz.." sabji waala is heart broken.

"Jaa jaa nahe chahiye......Ambani ke ghar jaake thelaa lagaaiyo..achee bikri hogi.." And then she mock parades back to the stairs. She knows the sabjiwala will crumble and surrender to her desired rate. And thats what happens..

"Achaa bhenji bohni khoti ho jaayegi..diyaa 8 rupay me....le jaao...Jeene mat do humey!! " he says in a defeated tone and loads the balance with the onions.

Auntyji comes back gladly and throws a winning smile at manju who is a trainee in the bargain game and then says she -

"Arey bhaiya tum to mandi lagaaoge, bade seth banoge aur tum jeene marne ki baat kar rahe ho!!"
the sabjiwala is indifferent to the cajoling as he looks helplessly at the auntyji pi

[priyanka chordia]

lovely input!!!!!
i guess its dhaapped(taken up) from somewhere.....
but really well put...

[Deepak Gopalakrishnan]

I really can't live without the internet. A self-confessed digital native. Something suddenly happens to me when I see the QWERTY in front of me and a computer with those two little computers blinking on the lower right. Woohoo! I'm connected!

It was via an online forum, Pagalguy, that I met a lot of fellow MBA aspirants who were dreaming to get into the same place that I was - MICA. I made a hell lot of friends here, and am in touch with most of them. Today, I've got friends in most BSchools thanks to this site, and whichever city in India I go to, I am assured of a place to stay for a couple of days! :D
Oh yes, and if you spend too much time on the net, you also start using smileys when you write on paper. Sigh.

I've started a community on Orkut called Target: MICA, where people who aim to get through to this college discuss and ask questions on the forums. 'tis good, indeed.

The internet has been great fo purposes like these... When I was in teeny little Thrissur with hardly any MBA aspirants at all, Pagalguy helped me connect to loads of people outside. Many of whom with which I shared the same mindset.

[cezca chanelle]

a huge hat's off to Tim Berners-lee ,Ray Tomlinson,Leonard Kleinrock's,Robert Taylor ,J.C.R. Licklider and all the other people who contributed to the invention on the internet.Personally i don't know what i would do without it.It's like a portal that takes you to wherever you want to go and provides you with information faster than you can say ' let's get it done'
being a complete rock freak and living in india was not as good as peanut butter and jelly,it was more like chocolate cake without the chocolate,if you get my drift...my favourite genres being punk rock and alternative wasn't popular around here and even Planet M only had classical rock which probably everyone's dad owned.so i had to do something about it,i was getting frustrated,i wanted to swirl in the beats and go into another world and unfortunately i couldn't.the rock scene was almost dead and there was no other way of tripping on a new band.so i decided to put my hopes on the internet.i joined myspace.com,and i realized so had millions of others across the globe.i felt some sort of rejuvination!!!! finally! i browsed different profiles and band profiles in australia,canada,peurto rico,brazil,califonia,new york,michigan,etc i found my place at last, somebands were small town bands and others were well renowned,i started networking,blogging,downloading,meeting new people like me who were in search on good old punk rock and alternative rock.time passed and i expanded my horizons as i came across more sub genre's like ska and metal.thank's to the internet,my knowldge of music increased tremendously and i can drown myself in my world with my type of music :D