WHY I DETEST METALHEADS…(work in progress)

[Idiotic Bandicoot]

Being a self-proclaimed member of this sect years ago,
(stage 1)
I was listening to something which would be far for what is called metal and trying to grow my hair long, not washing my clothes for months on end, writing stuff on my body which would make sense to only Wakanaboo tribes from inner Ecuador. Not did I only find that writing things down on your bags/shirts/body is lame but also that long hair gets instantly cut by mother’s/father’s/boss’s/anybody you are afraid of’s orders and unwashed clothes gave me jock itch *yeesh*.

(stage 2)
Next entered the trend when I discovered black, although I never gave in completely to this one I’ve seen people, black shirt + pant + shoes/boots/sandals + bag + umbrella + dog (ha) + metal + neighbour + baby, *phew* all of them black. Forgive them Father they know not what they do, they will soon realize when they are sun burnt in the summer. 2 sunburns later I was back to normal clothes.I dint know listening to metal involved so much pain. (HEY!!! Moshpit is another thing!!! There are unsaid/unwritten rules of the moshpit, but more on that later)

(the types)
Then came along the I-have-unlimited-internet-so-I-download-more-than-you-hence-I-OWN-YOU types. Someone on the WWW famously said “Yes, I’m 17 years old and I download 40gb per month, therefore I own your sorry ass!” my reaction to this (along with a million others) was…WHAT CHUTIYAGIRI!!!!.

All passed on and came along the I-Listen-to-underground-non-mainstream-music-hence-I-own-you category. This pissed me off to no extent because it was a very lame way of putting someone down. (the most annoying breed)

E.g.

Retard: now playing?
ME: metallica
R: that’s a fuckall thrash band they sold out!
M: And I care because?
R: dude there are so many underground thrash bands like annihilator who blow metallica away
Me: I wouldn’t care..i listen to a band because I LIKE it,
R: you suck you don’t know any underground shit
ME: how so?
R: you don’t know annihilator you retard!
Me: *wonders what to say*
R: haha, (his words, not mine) what now? Balls up in your mouth eh you dickless asshole! Go wiki annihilator noob!

ME when did I ever imply that I don’t know annihilator, alice in hell is a pretty good album but razor’s shotgun justice blows it out of the water :\
Retard: *perplexed* oh?! ..Ok

Me: *gaah! retards these days!*

Then come the average everyday noobs, (I don’t HATE them as per say, but they are cool for a good laugh)
“Children of Bodom have the best keyboardist ever!”




NOW the reason that takes the cake, (I’ll be bursting some myths now)

METAL IS THE ONLY FORM OF MUSIC

Call me an iconoclast but it isn’t, sorry.

THIS GENRE OF METAL IS BETTER THAN THAT GENRE

Eh? It all the sounds the fuckin same anyway.

PEOPLE WHO DON’T LISTEN TO METAL ARE POSERS

Technically? no. Posers are people who CLAIM to listen to metal but don’t.
(Refer to stages one and two) and there are trance-posers as well as hip-hop posers.

POP SUCKS!!!

Depends. Have you heard Suzanne Vega’s beauty and crime?

JAZZ SUCKS!!!

Why so? Just because you cant get the essence of syncopation? Or the very essence of jamming and enjoying yourself?

BLUES SUCKS!!!

Some explain the process of evolution of music to this guy :\

TECHNICALITY IS THE WAY TO GO.

So David Gilmour is the WORST guitarist in the history of mankind right?

TECHNICALITY SUCKS!

So Petrucci, Malmstein, Gilbert, Romeo, Sucimez all suck right?

SLIPKNOT / DREAM THEATER / MEGADETH / [insert band name here]
OWNS ALL BANDS IN THE WORLD, THE REST SUCK!
So you will not be open to ANYTHING else?


Trust me, I have ran into these breeds. They don’t make your journey as a music lover easier.

A word of advice, don’t form YOUR opinions on the basis of OTHERS opinions.
Worship PINK FLOYD, spread music among those serious, try NOT giving them to the above mentioned species because they will annoy the intestines out of other people and maybe yours too. Worship PINK FLOYD, know your music and worship PINK FLOYD

*disclaimer: I listen to metal myself, I am NOT trying to be an uberkvlt music lurving fuck, I detest the above mentioned motherfuckers and hope they burn in hell, I have purposely not mentioned Metallica vs Megadeth because the whole thing sucks to the core, my flush can argue smarter.

[Idiotic Bandicoot]

it should have been ...why i detest "metallheads" ..
actually all of the metal listeners went through at least one of these stages, even me, i wont deny it,
its the fact that they show off all the time that pisses me off,
just because a guy does not wear a black shirt, has short hair, and takes a bath he is not even considered to like metal.
I met a bunch of people at a gig after work, (i went directly) i was looked at as if the next thing they expected was me telling them "western culture is ruing today's youth/ metal is satan's work and evil/ this is just noise"

(i pulled that at the satyricon gig though :P haha)

[Konfucious / Karthik]

u shud hav named it "y i hate pseudos".......trust me metalheads kno bettr.....or do they???? ;-)

[Idiotic Bandicoot]

haha, ok thanks a lot =)

[Satish S]

Its not about time spent, my friend. Its the quality of your contributions. :)

[Idiotic Bandicoot]

wtf...my second day at clubjam and a i get a kudos!!!
lovely,

[Satish S]

Fantastic, fantastic post!
Will try to get this featured in the magazine.

And yes, that whole Metallica vs. Megadeth thing is bullcrap. Just listen to what you like mahn!